EPISODE 2

“The Beginning of the End”

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

DOV:

Welcome back to Kandle Against the Dark. We're joined by author Orson Libretti, longtime friend of the show. We've been listening to cassettes that he brought. Fascinating, terrifying stuff. Orson, what do you have for us?

ORSON:

Uh well, Jack just kind of jumps in on a story here, and so we're going to do the same thing.

DOV:

All right, let's hear it.

ORSON:

All right.

[TAPE CLICK]

JACK:

All right, we're back. Where was I? Right, the end. Or the beginning of it, anyway. It all happened so fast. Well, not really, I guess. It actually happened over a couple of weeks, but to me, it felt like it was practically overnight. And that's probably because I had other things on my mind. I was distracted. While the rest of the world was busy being consumed by their newfound obsession with the Mater Nodes, I was off in my own little world. Busy plotting. Planning something terrible.

I mean, I suppose in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't nearly as bad as what was in store for humanity as a whole, but that's not really a fair measure. You know, to judge what I did against everything else that's happened would be — by far — the most egregious and stunningly literal use of the phrase, “It's not the end of the world.”

I mean, the truth is I was off the rails and I knew it. But even now, there's still a part of me that feels justified. Because to be fair to myself, I had just discovered that my life, a life I had very carefully arranged, had become a complete lie. And after that, all bets were off. And I guess in a way, I was in the same boat as the rest of humanity at that point. I was also disappearing into a compulsive quest for satisfaction. Ya know, succumbing to that same exact pull of overwhelming desire as everyone else. Eaten alive from the inside out by a whole new set of feelings that I didn't even know I was capable of having. Painful, dark feelings. Feelings that have made me a person that I don't even recognize.

But anyway, I think the moment I realized that something was wrong, you know, that something was "off" with... well, everything, I'd have to say that in that moment I was shopping. Ironically enough, I was at an Awl-Mart. I mean, what better place to kick off an apocalypse driven by desire than a never-closing monument to Consumerist gratification like Awl-Mart? I mean, to be fair, it wasn't the only place it started, but that's where I was when I first saw the signs of the end.

I forget why I was even there, but I can safely assume that whatever it was I was there to get, It was probably for Priscilla. It was always for Priscilla. I do know that I had been wandering through that signature maze of concentric aisles for the better part of an hour. It was always an expedition going to an Awl-Mart. By clever design you never knew exactly where you might find whatever it was you were looking for. And that forced exploration also meant you never quite knew what else you might find and somehow instantly need.

And it turns out, you never knew what might find you there either. But we'll get to that...

Anyway, that's why Priscilla always sent me. She was a great many things, but patient wasn't one of them. And I was always more than happy to go. More than happy to do whatever I could to make her happy. And given my recent discoveries and the plans I'd made as a result, it was both wise and necessary for me to maintain that routine as I worked to set things right.

[TAPE CLICK]

ORSON:

Okay, I'm going to stop things right there for a little bit. We'll talk about this a little bit. So something you may have noticed in this, um, in, in the first segment, he was talking about the different ways that humanity has predicted how the world will end, you know —

DOV:

The bang, the whimper...

ORSON:

— and how they were all wrong. Right. Right, exactly. Exactly. And he mentions all the poets and the prophets and the data points, how it was all wrong. Well, he uses word in there: “scienceticians”, but we don't have that word.

DOV:

Right.

ORSON:

At least not that I've ever heard. Not that we were able to find in any, you know, language. Uh, we looked. But this with some of the other evidence we had gave us the idea that this wasn't from our world or our reality, or at least our corner of it, heh heh. Uh, it was happening elsewhere. And another indication is the Awl-Mart.

DOV:

Which sounds familiar.

ORSON:

Yes, umm...

DOV:

I, I think we all know what it sounds like. I, I... out of respect for other sponsors, I won't say what that is.

ORSON:

Absolutely. And then when you add that to some of the other things, this is what really got us thinking that what was happening here didn't happen —

DOV:

Here.

ORSON:

— here. And that will tie in to a certain theory that Roget Bardswell spoke of regarding multiple universes and the physical possibilities of these sorts of things.

DOV:

Mmm hmm.

ORSON:

But let's go on from here. So you've got Jack kind of setting up the scene here. After this, he kind of talks about, um, he's there shopping for Priscilla and he's kind of getting the normal things... you know, I think he mentioned maybe wine, artisan cheeses.

DOV:

The typical... the typical run that you do for the significant other.

ORSON:

Exactly. Exactly. But he notices there's a certain energy in the store and the queue is ridiculously long. The queue going up to the registers is wrapping around the isles and there's an excited energy among everybody.

DOV:

A long queue in an... let's say Awl-Mart is not unheard of, but a positive energy...

ORSON:

Yeah, yeah.

DOV:

That’s a little stranger.

ORSON:

Well, this this queue is...you know, it's not Christmas. This is, you know, it's not the holiday season. This is the kind of thing you might expect for something else. But he's been here a lot and he's noticing something a little different. And he eventually... as the queue goes up...he sees that everything seems to be directed toward this black curtained tent. And we're going to let him pick it up from there, because this is getting to the crux of what's happening.

DOV:

Okay, let’s hear it.

ORSON:

So let's play the next one.

[TAPE CLICK]

JACK:

And that's when it hit me what day it was. I don't know how it wasn't in the front of my brain given how relentless the chatter in the office had been for days. But it was a red letter date for Octavius Marketing -- and as it turns out, for all of humanity.

But there was no way I possibly could have known that when my boss called an all-hands meeting just a few weeks before. It was to announce that our company had been awarded the contract to oversee the unveiling of what he called a “revolutionary new technology”. Something called the Mater Node.

But here's the thing: that's all we were told. We weren't given any details. Nothing about what this new thing did, nothing about what it was for. And honestly, it didn't matter much to me. You know, my job as an accountant didn't require me to have knowledge about anything other than the funds that came into the company and the funds that went out. Accounts receivable and accounts payable. That was my comfortable little niche inside the behemoth that was Octavius Marketing. So, yeah, this announcement really didn't make much of an impression on me.

But I was clearly alone in that. It was all anybody could talk about. You know, the water coolers were abuzz with conversations that seemed to be almost instantly dominated by talk of the Mater Node. And every one of them was the same: absolutely lacking in any detail — because we had none — paired with this baffling overabundance of fervor regarding the launch. The launch of this “revolutionary” new thing that nobody knew anything about but somehow just couldn't wait to experience.

And as I stood there in that Awl-Mart queue, I realized that what I was witnessing was that same phenomenon at play. And I figured this was my chance to finally see what everyone was so excited for.

What was happening inside that tent was a mystery to me, but I could clearly make out individuals disappearing inside, and after a few minutes, emerging on the other side. So whatever was happening in there, that was the reason for the long delay. And it seemed kind of presumptuous to me to essentially force everyone to participate in whatever they had set up inside that tent, but no one seemed to mind at all. Quite the contrary, actually.

So as I got closer, I started to notice something strange about the people coming out the other side of that tent. Each went in with that look of childlike anticipation, but when they came out the other side, something had clearly changed in them — like something had just quelled all of that energy. They all emerged in what I would have to call a “docile state”. There was a blankness. Ya know, a flatness. But it wasn't negative, not like depression. There was just this look of placid contentedness. It was a look I could actually immediately identify with. It was the look of a complete absence of desire. 

But that look didn't last long for them. After only a few steps, you could see something else creep into their expression. Pain. Emotional pain. A discomfort that was only noticeable if you were really looking. And I was. But this all seemed to be part of the plan, because each person would only need to endure the pain behind that expression for a few miserable steps before being confronted by a massive pyramid of neatly stacked boxes -- these odd black cubes. There was no branding on them, just a mysterious image of a pale, glowing blue orb of some kind. And just the sight of these boxes seemed to offer a kind of reinvigoration to the people drifting out of that tent.

Everyone I watched, all of them, gravitated to these boxes. And in one fluid motion, they'd take one up, literally hugging it to their chest, as that same jittery excitement of the queue flooded back into them. And that was odd enough, but what was even stranger was the way they all abandoned their carts once they had their new mystery prize in hand. Just like the parade of people filing into that tent, there was a parade of carts full of product being quickly and efficiently ushered back into the depths of the store. No one seemed to have any use for anything outside of whatever that shiny black container held. They'd just silently rush up to one of the many open registers, parting with their box just long enough for a clerk to scan it. The clerk would swipe the box and the customer would swipe their card. A process as smooth as an assembly line. And after that, they couldn't get out of the store fast enough. It felt like some kind of strange, sacred ritual was unfolding in front of me in double time. You know, like a speed through rehearsal of a communion.

And that ritualistic sensation seemed even more apt once I noticed something else. With each peep of the register, with each newly wrung box, a bizarre yellow symbol appeared on the display screen. I still have no idea how to describe what that symbol was. You know, the only word that comes to mind that even begins to describe it would be a “sigil” of some kind. But not like any sigil I'd ever seen. And honestly, I can't tell you exactly what that symbol looked like, because every time I saw it flash across that screen, I was immediately overtaken with an overwhelming desire to look away from it. And my stomach turned and I felt dizzy until I did.

And I was so preoccupied by this repeating pattern of beeps and flashes and the sickness somewhere deep down inside of me that I didn't even notice when I had reached that coveted spot at the front of the line. I'd been so mesmerized by the strangeness around me that it wasn't until a buxom young woman in a rather scant black dress snapped me back to full awareness by touching my face. And I remember I flinched in surprise, but she just locked eyes with me and smiled with this kind of flirtatious smirk. And then I realized that the reason she was touching my face was because she was placing these little strips of adhesive paper — these little postage-stamp-looking strips on various parts of my forehead and the back of my neck. And that was it. Without so much as an “are you ready”, I was ushered into the tent.

And once I was inside, I was immediately confronted by an actual orb, just like the ones I'd seen depicted on the boxes outside. It was hovering above a black pedestal, levitating with this subtle rising and falling that made it feel like it was almost breathing in a way. Like it was a living thing full of will and intent. And I'd later find out that wasn't far from the truth. You know, that it, and the so called Mater System to which it was connected, would in short order fundamentally alter every aspect of human life.

I guess if you're listening to this, that's not really news to you, but it's a fact that I still find myself struggling to accept even now. But when I first laid eyes on it, that reality wasn't even something I could begin to imagine. I mean, how could I? What I did sense immediately, however, was that whatever this thing was, it was unlike anything the world had ever seen.

Along with the milky light emitted, there was this otherworldly hum filling the air -- presumably emanating from the device. But it also seemed to be simultaneously coming from somewhere...beyond it somehow. And I realize that doesn't make any sense. But that's the only way I can describe it. It was just a feeling. Something that just felt true without any conscious process. There's just no way for me to effectively articulate the irrational experience that sound induced. I will say that it seemed to me like a distant cello droning a dyad that was both discordant and in perfect harmony all at the same time. And again, I realize that doesn't make any sense, but that was the experience. And I can only assume that this humming was somehow intended to offer a sense of new-age calm to the whole situation, but its effect on me was just annoyance and an amplification of that nausea I'd been fighting since first seeing that yellow symbol.

It was at that moment that I turned to the demo attendant and I asked what exactly I was supposed to do. And again, she didn't say a word. She just smiled as she unpinned the flap and collapsed  my world into nothing but that blackened booth. You know, I thought about just walking out the other side, but I have to admit, my curiosity was piqued. So I decided to ride it out, to maybe see what all the fuss was about.

There was a chair stationed not more than a few feet from the Node and its pedestal. And I remember as I moved toward that chair, both the drone and the nausea seemed to ease. Ya know, like a reward for complying with some unspoken demand. And I could also feel those strips of paper attached to my head and neck begin to tingle. And as strange as it was, I have to say it was actually a pleasant, relaxing experience. And once I sat in that chair, I was surprised by how comfortable it felt. It wasn't anything more than a simple folding chair, but it felt soft and enveloping. You know, more like the hug of a recliner. But that comfort was short lived.

I don't know if the Node got brighter or my eyes had just adjusted, but its presence suddenly seemed more immediate, more imposing. And then that humming rose up  again, bringing with it another wave of nausea. And I could feel that sound in my chest, vibrating my core like it was physically taking hold of me. And I could feel the tingling from those paper strips on my forehead and neck intensify. I could tell that they were rapidly dissolving away. But as they did that tingle took on a new dimension. It felt like thousands of tiny insects scurrying across my skin. And then, a much more horrific sensation set in — a sense of them burrowing. Digging toward and into my brain.

And at the same time, the Node seemed to grow, almost explode in front of me, and I had the sensation of being pulled toward it. But I couldn't tell you if I was actually moving or if it was simply growing toward me. I don't know. Maybe it was both. But my entire field of view was suddenly engulfed in its light, and I no longer had any sense of anything outside of it. And looking back, I realize I had no thought outside of it either. And then it was clear what this thing did. It seemed to offer a simulated world, one almost identical to the one outside that tent, outside the haze of a Node's light. But it wasn't the same.

In this place I felt like I was under siege. Under brutal attack by some foreign army made of consciousness. Like a legion of invaders ransacking my mind. Searching for a treasure they were never going to find. A treasure I never even possessed. This thing, this force, was looking for my well of personal desire. At least that's my theory now, given what I'd seen from those leaving the tent and everything I've witnessed since. But I guess that water was too shallow in me, because the dredging seemed to become more frantic, more frantic and more violent, until every part of my being felt raw and bloodied. And then just like that, I was pushed out, vomited out really, by whatever had a hold of me.

And the force of that ejection must have affected me physically, because when I regained my bearings, I realized I was lying on the floor outside the tent’s entrance.

[TAPE CLICK]

ORSON:

Okay, I’m gonna...I'm gonna to stop it here as well. There's no visible -- at least nothing that Jack describes -- no visible sense of consent here. Nobody's resisting, but nobody's simply saying....and that goes for Jack as well. That is strange. Nobody is seeing that pained expression and then refusing to go into the tent. They’re just...they're  just “going with the with the flow”.

DOV:

Umm Hmm.

ORSON:

He uses the term “vomited out”, that he falls out of the tent...so we're going to kind of jump ahead here a little bit, but...nobody reacts to that. He says that the attendant walks over him and just goes on to the next person. Nobody...there's no sense of empathy.

DOV:

Yeah.

ORSON:

Okay? It's like it's like the desire has been cranked up and the empathy has been removed. The transformation into these sort of inhuman automatons of desire appears to be complete. And Jack recognizes the frightening oddness of this. And we're going to be getting a little more information on that coming up. But we're just going to listen to just a little bit more here, and then we can move on and see where Jack takes us.

DOV:

All right.

[TAPE CLICK]

JACK:

And I couldn't make sense out of how all of these people were so unmoved by the sight of my suffering. You know, I wanted to grab them and shake them from their consumerist stupor, to warn them, to tell them to run. But I didn't. I didn't because something inside of me told me that I couldn't, not if I was going to get what I wanted. Yeah, what I “wanted”.

See, that's the thing, whatever the Mater did for others, it failed to do for me — at least within the confines of its alternate world. You know, maybe it couldn't quell my desires because there were so precious few to find. Again, that's the theory. But it did find one. That's for certain. And what the Mater Node couldn't manage in its virtual realm, it seemed intent on finding its way to manifesting in this one. Because whatever happened inside that tent, whatever the Node did to me, I was also changed. But in a different way.

I was now filled with a level of determination that far outstripped any feeling I had ever had. Greater even than my cherished and perfect need for ‘Scilla. And that plan I had, that plan I was carefully putting into motion, was now the only thought in my mind. That and a profound sense of certainty about that plan. A certainty that very soon I was going to murder my boss.

[TAPE CLICK]

DOV:

That took a turn.

ORSON:

Indeed, uh, we, we had the same reaction.

DOV:

I mean, certainly he's, he’s had a profound reaction to this product that his company is, is... not developed but is promoting, and is, is putting into the world.

ORSON:

Yes.

DOV:

That's, that's quite a turn.

ORSON:

It, it, it is. It is. Our first reaction was that the Mater Node had put this thought into his mind.

DOV:

That seems like an easy jump to make.

ORSON:

Yes. But if... when you think about it, he's already talking about this plan before he...that, that he was going to the Awl-Mart in order to...well, please, Priscilla, but to “keep up appearances”. And why would he need to keep up appearances? What was going on with that plan?

DOV:

Mm hmm.

ORSON:

So he was changed, and it just it cranked up...his...something that he was already planning. It cranked up his desire to go through with this thing. So he can talk about the Mater Node...like it being... or, you know, a bad experience and it not it not taking to him. And yet, something very profound happened in there regardless. Something different than everybody else. But as he as he said it, it, it “changed him”. And that is going to be, obviously, a very profound and important part of the tale going forward.

DOV:

Absolutely. Let, let's, let's take a station break.

ORSON:

Great.

DOV:

This feels like a good opportunity. We need to process what we've just learned. So we will be back shortly with more from author Orson Libretti, his book Consummation, and some tapes that he...came into his possession. Mysterious, disturbing, strange, compelling. We'll be back with more soon.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[RECORDING ENDS]

[RECORDING BEGINS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

DOV:

Welcome back to Kandle Against the Dark. We're joined by our friend, author Orson Libretti. If you're just joining us, he has a long and distinguished career in the military. He worked as a consultant for the US government and various other agencies and organizations. He has brought with him some tapes that, uh, that he was made aware of. The, the origin  of which is a mysterious and strange thing. They appear to have come from a place one might describe as an alternate universe, an alternate reality. The technology that was used to create these cassettes is a mystery to us, but fortunately not to Orson himself, with his double degrees in mechanical and electrical engineering. He was brought on as a consultant to research this case, and we've been listening to, to these cassettes and the story of Jack  — the tragic and disturbing story of Jack.

We're going to come back in now. Orson has, has more for us. We're excited to get back in. Let us know what's coming up.

ORSON:

Yes. So, um, I think we should do a quick recap here. Jack covered a lot of ground —

DOV:

Right.

ORSON:

— in the previous segment. So we learned about the Mater Node, this the strange thing that's appeared in his world that, that appears to be connected to whatever...”end” his world is experiencing. And we got a clearer sense of, of what this thing does. We don't fully understand it, but we have some idea. But we also discovered something else that, that is more important. And that's...Jack seems adamant that whatever or whoever is behind the Mater System has a plan for him.

DOV:

Right. Right.

ORSON:

And he will talk often about this plan going forward. But he revealed in that last clip that he also has his own plan. And as we just heard, that plan is to murder his boss. Umm...And, you know, I'm sure for you, the listeners, as it was for my team, this was a very shocking and troubling revelation. It's, you know, less than a sympathetic position.

DOV:

Well, based on what little we admittedly know so far of Jack, this feels very out of character. Again, we know very little about him at this point.

ORSON:

You know, in the course of our investigation, as, as Jack revealed more about himself, his thoughts and feelings, and most importantly, what he was planning to do, uhhh...there were certain members of the team who became quite uncomfortable with these revelations. So it was important that we reminded ourselves that our, our job was not to pass judgment on Jack. Rather, our job was to try and understand him. To understand these these thoughts and feelings and actions. And, and ultimately, what led to  these materials coming into our possession.

DOV:

Right.

ORSON:

And particularly in this clip, we will understand things a bit more of why he's doing this. He'll, he'll, he’ll... paint a bit of a clearer picture. So I say we let him do that.

DOV:

Let's do.

[TAPE CLICK]

JACK:

My boss. Gar Abydos. What to say? No, you know  what? I actually have plenty to say about Gar. 

Gar was a taker. A voracious inhaler of anything and everything in his proximity. A black hole. And like a black hole, he had long ago reached critical mass. There were very few people capable of resisting a man of his status and wealth. And even when he did meet that rare, formidable challenger, he still had what seemed like an almost supernatural ability to always come out on top. To just take whatever it was he wanted, without apology or consequence. There seemed to be no limit to his appetite, or the lengths he would go to in his attempts to satisfy it. And it seemed like there was no limit to the supply of victims and things and decencies he'd almost systematically seek out and swallow whole for his own satisfaction.

I'll say this, if you know  anything about fish, then you'll know that there has never been, in the history of ever, a man more aptly named than my boss, Gar Abydos. And, you know, it's funny to me, actually, that I have so much to say about a man of so little substance. But whatever he lacked in character, he more than made up for in weight and girth, both in ego and physicality. In those regards, he was quite substantial.

That wasn't true in the end, though. Not even a little. No, in the end he was frail and weak — literally a shell of his former self.

But the path to that moment, to that cosmically just conclusion, was a long and winding one. One whose unfolding began with, well, with my unfolding, as it were. With what I consider to be my true beginning. With my first sense of actual purpose in this world. The moment I first laid eyes on ‘Scilla.

You know, up until then I had just subsisted, just existed and did my best to fit in. And I had realized really early on that I was different. You know, whatever seemed to drive everyone around me just made no sense to me. In my teens, I'd spent a lot of time reading books that I hoped would help me understand who or what I was. You know, I wasn't ashamed of my weird lack of desire, but I wasn't proud of it either. What I was was aware of how it could cause problems for my functioning in the world. I was aware that I needed to at least try to understand how it was that desire seemed to govern the lives of every single person I encountered. I needed to understand it so I could incorporate it into my life. And if not to actually “incorporate” it, to at least “emulate” it. So I could, at the very least, “look” like everyone else. That way I could actually have some semblance of a normal, simple life. To exist without resistance.

So when I was around 16, I engaged in a methodical investigation into my psyche. Ya know, into books on neurology and psychology and attachment theory and mindfulness. And I was definitely smart enough even then to make sense out of the ideas. At least intellectually. But what I wasn't ever able to do is actually recognize anything of myself and any of that research. I didn't find my visceral truth in it anywhere. I wasn't ever able to categorize or diagnose myself in a way that pointed me toward any kind of legitimate change. So eventually I just resigned myself to the fact that I'd always be something of a freak. At least by the standards of conventional society. And that only mattered to me in so much as...well, the resistance, like I said. You know, I didn't care if I was liked or understood outside of how not having those things kept me from my basic needs. But luckily, most human interaction is transactional in nature anyway, so as long as I could seem normal and was able to make myself a value add to others, all could be somewhat okay.

But a few years after this, when I was in college, I stumbled on something that completely challenged that sense of resignation I had about myself. You know, after all of those years of struggling to accept that I'd never find anyone who could possibly understand the way that I experienced the world, I was thrown for a loop. It happened when I discovered an underground rock band called Æ.S.C.

I found them thanks to a musical appreciation class I was taking. You know, I'd never really been into music, but it satisfied a humanities prerequisite, so I signed up. And as we started diving into this band's body of work, I was shocked that I started to recognize what I thought was a worldview no one could possibly share me.

Their lyrics were filled with these themes that somehow spoke to me on a fundamental level. They spoke to me viscerally. Lyrics about the false narratives that people cling to, the stories people tell themselves about desire and volition, about the illusory nature of free will. And all of this was being delivered by this band of oddball misfits. You know, these people wrapped in cloaks who seemed enthralled by occult imagery and the controversy it all created.

And the instructor, of course, dismissed all this as a kind of gimmickry or pastiche. Ya know, as a way to generate a brand and boost album sales. And for the first time with this instructor, I was looking at someone else and thinking that they were even more cynical than I was, because it just made perfect sense to me. It felt true to me in a way that nothing else ever had. It felt authentic.

And I became fixated on them. I sought out and collected every album, every bootleg, every piece of artwork, every article, and every interview I could possibly find. You know, I guess you could say that it was the closest I had ever come to understanding the feeling a religious person must have when they engage with their faith.

And for a while I viewed everything through the lens of Æ.S.C.’s music. But it wasn't really them I was fixated on. It was their message. I was fixated on how that message reflected me. I even paid three times the ticket price to see what ended up being their final concert. You know, nobody knew that it would be their last at the time, but it became part of what ultimately made the band infamous -- even amongst those who had never heard of them. Because it was immediately after that concert that Æ.S.C. vanished from public life in the wake of a still unexplained mass suicide at their record label.

You know, it was big news for about a week. There were plenty of theories. You know, some sciencetitians suggested some kind of neural toxin. Others believe that the band had murdered them. And some, many actually, thought the dead had been victims of evil forces conjured by the band's immersion in the occult.

But anyway, Æ.S.C. disappeared, and eventually so did my fixation. I moved on. I turned back to the practical realities of life and recommitted myself to the acceptance of my “otherness”.

And when I graduated with my degree in accounting, I quickly set my sights on finding a position inside a company large enough that I could also disappear. To just become a cog in a machine and spend my days within the absoluteness of maths and numbers and systems — things that bored most other people and meant that I could be largely left alone. A job where there was no need for me to continually pretend to be more human than I felt.

And I found that at Octavius Marketing. And the next eight years went exactly as I needed them to. I did my job with very little interruption or attention, and I went home to my simple, dispassionate, comfortable life.

You know, the only person who ever took any in me at all was a guy who worked in the sales department. A guy named Reinhardt Fuchs. And for whatever reason, he just seemed to gravitate toward me after a meeting we were both required to attend. He just plopped down and started talking to me like we'd known each other for years. And as invasive as it was, I couldn't see my way out of that situation without seeming offputting or rude. And so that's how we became friends.

It was like he was on a mission. And to this day, I still have no idea why. He did tell me once, years later, that it was because he could see the “quiet desperation” in my eyes. You know, that he felt compelled to immediately take this “pathetic bastard” under his wing and show  him how to “suck the marrow out of life”.

Yeah, If you knew anything about Reinhardt, you'd know that that answer was total bullshit. Most everything he said was. Yeah, he was a master of sarcasm and evasiveness, cloaked in this charming brand of wit. And he also had a real talent for being somehow endearing and unapologetically condescending at the same time. Yeah, we were an odd pair, but we formed a legitimate friendship, and that addition to my life was fine by me.

In some ways, it made things easier. He was an advocate for me once at work. I had made a computational error -- almost unheard of for me -- and I had cost the company a pretty decent sum of money. And I probably wouldn't have kept my job if it hadn't been for him. And the fact that I did meant that I was still there the day that my only reason for being materialized in the office — the day ‘Scilla accepted a position in H.R.

And I'll spare you all of the clichéd sticky stuff, but suffice it to say, I felt all of it. Something shifted in me the second I laid eyes on her, something I didn't even know was there. The whole was immediate and all-consuming. Love it first desire. And I couldn't explain it, but I looked at her the way I looked at my own reflection: inextricably tied to my existence. And wooing her was all that mattered to me.

And to my surprise, the skills for that process came without any real effort. You know, I hadn't ever sought out a romantic connection before, and I never really understood anyone who did. But somehow, when that proverbial lightning struck me, I was suddenly imbued with what felt like the mind of someone else entirely. Ya know, someone far more charming, far more poetical, far more idealistic than I had ever been.

And luckily, that new brand of Jack — one even Reinhardt appeared to be legitimately impressed by — seemed well-suited to ‘Scilla's particular tastes. And we ended up aiming in the same direction — a life of effortless symbiosis. And it wasn't long before I asked her to marry me and she enthusiastically agreed. And bliss was our daily routine for multiple years... Until it wasn't.

So by now you are probably wondering, or maybe you've already guessed what any of this has to do with Gar Abydos.

Well, the answer to that is simple. Gar was the gluttonous, bottomless sack of shit I discovered had been fucking my wife. Yeah...

[TAPE CLICK]

DOV:

Yeah... I...we. I think it's fair to say we have a motive.

ORSON:

In...indeed. And what's interesting is for someone who...who has lived his life with, you know, no real desire for anything and has sort of gone along to get along.  He, you know, his connection desire is much is, is much different than everybody else's. But when he has those desires, they, they appear to be very strong and very singular. And that's what we're... that's what we're seeing here.

DOV:

Right. It's...what's fascinating is it seems to be that all of the love that someone might have for everyone in their life they care about is entirely focused on ‘Scilla, and the inverse of that being that all of the hate and disrespect and antagonism that one might have for every enemy in their life is entirely focused on Gar. And they are...it is this Yang Yin thing, where —

ORSON:

Absolutely. And this sort of dichotomy of forces, we'll see that as the main impetuses that, that move Jack forward in his own story.

DOV:

Right. And this...Orson, you've known me a long time. This is no surprise. I'm...I want to learn more about this band. You know, I am a lover of music.  I was a disc jockey for, for many years.

ORSON:

Yes, I had a feeling you would be particularly interested in that aspect of the story.

DOV:

You know me well. So I have many questions, um...one of which — first of which — is, is do we know what this music sounds like? Is it comparable to bands that we have...you know...in...I can't believe I'm saying this, our reality? But secondarily and...do we know what happened with this mass suicide at the record label? This is horrific and fascinating.

ORSON:

Okay. So let me just say this, okay, uh...

DOV:

Mm hmm.

ORSON:

In addition to Jack's tapes that were, were in the briefcase, that was...you know, recovered with the body.

DOV:

Right.

ORSON:

There were other items in there, including a...what we would recognize as a boxed set of, uh, vinyl for the band Æ.S.C.

DOV:

We have you have the music.

ORSON:

We were able to reverse engineer the particular technology. It was a little easier than the tapes. And we do, in fact —

DOV:

You have no idea how excited I am right now.

ORSON:

Oh, I think I have some idea.

DOV:

You have alter-dimension musi.. Okay.

ORSON:

Yes. And as far as what happened with the, the mass suicide, Jack gave three explanations. And I'll say that none of them were, were quite right. But of them, the third one, the one where people were, were suspecting that occult forces were behind it, is the closest. There was definitely something otherworldly that was behind this spate of mass suicides, and additionally, other deaths surrounding that. 

But we'll leave that mystery to the side for a little bit and come to it later, because Jack will have more to say on, on that band and their music.

DOV:

We can get back to  Jack’s story. I...just know that I'm champing at the bit to, to hear this.

ORSON:

of course.And we, we... I promise we will satiate that desire.

DOV:

Excellent. Excellent. So the sooner we go to the station break that Maggie is insisting upon, the sooner we can get back and hear more. So, we will be right back with more Kandle Against the Dark.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

END OF EPISODE 2